Recipe for a happy marriage

I’ve been happily married to my honey for 13 years now, and along the way I’ve learned a few things. In honor of St Valentine’s Day, here are my secret ingredients:

1. The right person – and if you don’t get it right the first time, don’t loose heart! I’ve been married twice before, and for a variety of reasons… it didn’t work out. Of course at the time these relationships came to an end, it wasn’t easy and I felt like a failure. Divorce is usually messy and uncomfortable and downright painful.  With the benefit of time passing however, I can see that my former partners were a perfect match for where I was at on my spiritual journey.  I feel immense gratitude for the part they played in my life, for helping me become who I am today, and for fathering my beautiful children whom I can’t imagine life without!
2. Love, of course. It really is what makes the world go around. And of course, love is so much more than a feeling. I really like David Richo’s Five Keys to Mindful Loving: Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection and Allowing your partner to be themselves.
3. Being 100% responsible for the success and happiness of the relationship. Yes, you read me right. Not 50%, 100%. It makes an enormous difference to take full responsibility.
4. Laughter- I’ve realized that it really doesn’t pay to take myself too seriously. So, insert a big dose of light heartedness and a generous sprinkle of laughter. It makes everything so much easier, and more fun.
5. A healthy mix of togetherness and independence. We love spending time together, and have many shared interests. We also have our own independent interests and activities, and support each other in pursuing them, which allows us to grow as individuals and brings freshness and newness to our time together.
6. Be more interested in being happy than in being right – huge! Oh the renunciation that is required when you feel So justified in your rightness!
7. Say you're "sorry" when you mess up.
8. Don't take it personally when they are going through their stuff.  This one took me years to get.
9. Hold hands a lot.
10. Don’t try to change each other. Period.
11. Be grateful for each other and recognize how blessed you are to be sharing your lives.

What's happening on this blog?

In the case that you missed some of the great posts since this blog has been started, here they are for your convenience.  I would love to hear from you.  Thank you for being a reader.

Julie

You can reinvent yourself. I did, at age 60

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had, or should say, I’m having, a wonderful life– I’m blessed with a loving husband, an extended tribe of family,...

Juggling all the balls: mother, grandmother, wife and entrepreneur

I’m a person who LOVES to spend time with my family. I adore my husband, cherish my three kids and am madly in love with my two granddaugh...

How SendOutCards makes me a rock star with my family, friends and customers.

I’ve always been a greeting card lover – in fact I have a whole drawer full of cards I’ve collected over the years. I’ve even sent a f...

Why an Attitude of Gratitude can change your life

Simply put, focusing on gratitude makes me a happier, calmer and kinder person. Why? The experience of feeling grateful immediately shifts...

Empowered, health conscious, mothers and grandmothers

I absolutely love being a mom and adore being grandma- well, in our family we call that role Tutu – from the Hawaiian for grandmother. The...

What does it mean to me to live well?

What a wonderful question. To me, to live well means to live in alignment with my deepest knowing, truth, values, Self. To be true to myself, to my highest aspirations and deepest longings. To really live well means to be a place where Love shows up, to be more loving today than I was yesterday. To live well means to discover who I am meant to be, my reason for being here on this planet at this time, and to express that ever more fully and clearly. To be a clear channel for what Spirit wants to express through me.

To live well means to make meaningful heartfelt connections with others, to respect, honor, appreciate and enjoy all people. To live well means to cherish my friends and family, to allow them to fully be who they are and to rejoice in the love that we share. To live well means to enjoy the unique dynamics and dance of my roles as wife, mother, daughter, grandmother, sister, cousin, friend, colleague, teacher, student and all the other ways in which we connect and share life’s challenges, milestones and celebrations.

Celebration and compassion
To live well means to grow, stretch, expand, reach, and change while staying connected to that which is changeless. It means to not always believe my own mind, to question my perception of reality, to be willing to see the other side. It means to have a sense of humor and compassion for the human condition, including my own.

To live well means to celebrate life in every moment, to take the time to look up at the sky, listen to the birds, smell the roses, feel the sunshine on my face, breathe in the scent of springtime, walk on the beach. To live well means to allow the awe-inspiring beauty of nature to remind me of the infinite abundance and goodness of Spirit.

Nourishment, stewardship and renewal
To live well means nourishment – to enjoy the fruits of the earth with deep appreciation for its whole food goodness; to purchase my food directly from the farmers who grow or raise it with deep consciousness of the sacred dance of life and death and food; to cook with flair and creativity, to share delicious meals and good times with friends and family around the table.

To live really well means to be a good steward of this vehicle for Spirit that is my body – to care for it, feed it good food, exercise it, listen to its messages, enjoy its senses, appreciate its energy, vitality, strength, endurance.

To live really well means renewal – to spend time away from the hustle and bustle of daily life, exploring new places, enjoying nature, connecting with other cultures, sampling other cuisines, making new connections. To simply sit and be with no agenda. To let only inspiration guide my daily choice of activities. To share this time with family and friends, and also to have windows of solitude and contemplation.

Connection to the One Life
To live really well is to be a part of a spiritual community that nourishes my soul, helps me to connect to the One Life, encourages me to release old ways of seeing and being, uplifts my spirits, inspires me to adopt new attitudes and to be my best self, and offers me the opportunity of giving back in Seva.

Home is where the heart is

To live really well means to live in a home that radiates light and simplicity and color and comfort. Where every object has a place, a function, meaning. Where we enjoy the play of light on the flowering cactus, the heat of the fireplace on a cold evening, the warm evening breeze on the deck, the hawks nesting in the pine trees, our cat stretched out in the sunshine.

My work in the world

To live really well means to do work that I love and that is meaningful to me and to be compensated abundantly for doing so, not only monetarily but also with appreciation. To know that my work in the world brings value, wellbeing and joy. To allow my creativity and inspiration to flow into new ideas and ventures, to make a difference in the world, to help planet earth become a healthier place for our children and grandchildren and the generations to come. To live really well means to create new partnerships, to put together a team of inspired colleagues who are expressing their own gifts in the world and to generously compensate them for helping me to bring my ideas and vision into fruition.

Giving and appreciating

To live really well means to share generously of my gifts, my talents, my resources, my heart, my time, my attention, my caring, my understanding, my being.

To live really well is to enjoy and appreciate each and every moment of this wondrous thing called my life.

Empowered, health conscious, mothers and grandmothers

I absolutely love being a mom and adore being grandma- well, in our family we call that role Tutu – from the Hawaiian for grandmother. There’s that magic element that comes from being free of the existential angst that plagues us in our 20’s and 30’s, and having earned that hard won perspective that comes with time and life experience, that brings us into the present where children truly live.

So, my granddaughters being 5 and 9, and hoping for more down the road….I plan on being around for a long time. And not just being around; I plan on being a healthy, vibrant, active and financially abundant mom and Tutu so I can enjoy, nourish, nurture, support, play with and yes, why not, spoil them all!

So, what am I doing to ensure all this? Here’s my 7-point plan of action for physical, emotional and financial health for empowered, entrepreneurial moms and Tutu’s….

1. Nourish. I consume a wholesome diet of nutrient dense organic foods in their natural, unprocessed state, following the nourishing traditions that kept our ancestors healthy and vital. Whenever possible, I buy my food straight from the farmers who grow it or raise it. Do I eat perfectly all the time? No, I love to eat out and so I aim for the 80%/20% rule. Do I ever indulge? You bet! I love my Trader Joe’s biodynamic wine and my dark chocolate. I prepare my food with love, share it with passion, and eat it with a heart full of gratitude.

2. Cleanse. Let’s face it, we don’t live in the same world our ancestors or even our grandparents lived in. No matter how hard we may try to avoid them, we are deluged with toxins in the air we breathe, the food we consume, the water we drink. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), the average person now has 212 environmental chemicals in their blood. Even our airways are contaminated with harmful radio and microwave frequencies from all of our wireless technology. It’s easy to freak out when you start thinking about it. Luckily, there are solutions. So I make sure to incorporate a cellular cleanse in my daily routine. I also try to use my technology judiciously and protect myself and my family with products that emit what my granddaughter  calls “happy energy” to counteract the harmful effects of artificial radiation.

3. Nurture. I nurture my soul by connecting to Life, God, Source, whatever term you use, through regular spiritual practice, involvement with my spiritual community, being of service, spending time in nature, devoting quality time to be with those near and dear to me. And I don’t hesitate to ask for help when I need it – whether it’s a friend or family member to talk with, a spiritual counselor to help me regain my perspective, a new book to open my mind. After all, we get by with a little help from our friends, right?

4. Move. Our bodies were made to move. Like many of us, my occupation means many hours either driving to my interpreting jobs, or sitting in front of my computer. I am also (yes, I have to admit it) a bit laissez faire when it comes to exercising. So I push myself to get out every day and move my body. I love walking and hiking and swimming in any natural body of water. Spending time with my 86 year old mum in England recently also made me realize I need to work on posture, balance and strength training so I can be an upright and steady old lady – hence I started working with an awesome personal trainer, and actually going to her gym, which I had sworn off ever setting foot in again after repeated failed attempts to stick with it! My strategy to make sure I really go: make appointments with my her and pay her ahead of time!

5. Gratitude. An attitude of gratitude is a key element of my wellbeing program. I’ve had my share of life’s traumas and dramas, and my adult kids have had their share of traumas and crises too… not your daily car broken down, kind of crises, well, those too… but I’m talking about those soul shaking, life altering kinds of crises that rock your whole world. I believe focusing on all that I am grateful for has saved me from despair many times, and enabled me to face life’s challenges with grace and strength and hope. For more on why gratitude is so important to me, read here.

6. Entrepreneurial lifestyle. I am not knocking jobs, by any means. For a free spirited Aquarian like myself, however, I find that being an entrepreneur is the perfect vehicle for me to express my deepest self, grow out of my comfort zone, make a living, and have the flexibility to do all the things I mentioned above. The trouble with being an entrepreneur however, is well, being an entrepreneur – by definition, a risky business – potentially very financially rewarding, but certainly no guarantee. Although in this day and age, even a job is no guarantee, as we all know. I can’t even admit to any significant success as an entrepreneur – YET. However, being blessed with a hard working husband, having made my decision to change my financial landscape in a significant manner, realizing I don’t have forever, doing the work to heal my limiting financial beliefs and act grown up when it comes to money and embarking on a learning journey with an amazing internet marketing venture, I am confident that I will get there!

You might also enjoy Juggling All the Balls: mother, grandmother, wife and entrepreneur

Why an Attitude of Gratitude can change your life

Simply put, focusing on gratitude makes me a happier, calmer and kinder person. Why? The experience of feeling grateful immediately shifts my focus from my head – with all its self-centered stories, annoying worries and self-defeating anxieties – to my heart. When I focus on gratitude, I feel good – my heart opens – and I start looking for more and more things, people and situations to be grateful for… it’s like a chain reaction of positivity. I become progressively happier, more relaxed, enthusiastic, optimistic, and resilient to stress.

Keeping a gratitude journal is a simple and effective way to increase our awareness of gratitude. It has been shown that even 5 minutes a day of simply writing down what you are grateful for that day has measureable and increasing benefits to your health and happiness.

What have you got to loose?

So just to give you an example; today I am grateful for the hawks nesting in our pine trees, the sound of the wind in the leaves, a lovely visit with my daughter, the bounty at the farmer’s market on saturday mornings, my new keens, the happy memory of our recent getaway to Lake Tahoe with my son and grand-daughters, a telephone chat with my mum 6,000 miles away in England. Once I get started… I could go on and on, and I become increasingly aware of just how much I have to be grateful for.

If you'd like to express your gratitude to someone, click here to send a free card, on me.

You may also enjoy reading:

You Can Reinvent Yourself.  I Did At 60
Juggling All The Balls In Life

Juggling all the balls: mother, grandmother, wife and entrepreneur

I’m a person who LOVES to spend time with my family. I adore my husband, cherish my three kids and am madly in love with my two granddaughters.

I’m also a freelance translator, interpreter and interpreter trainer, I’m building a business marketing wellness products and a greeting card service, and I am learning how to get an online following. Plus I spend quality time with my husband ,take the time to cook healthy meals from scratch, devote time to spiritual practice, go for hikes,  hang out with my friends…. So, how do I keep all these balls in the air?

Family first

Well, let me be the first to say that I don’t always keep all the balls in the air. Sometimes, something just has to give. Unfortunately, back in my early days, I didn’t do such a great job at all, and my family got the short end of the stick. Nowadays, my priority is clear – do what has to be done to keep things going, but family comes first and foremost, always.

A day in the life…..

Last week, I had an interpreting assignment in Oakland, and I was spending the evening with my amazing daughter in Berkeley, where she is living for the summer while she completes an internship in Oakland before heading back to S. CA to complete her Ph.D. Wow – there is a lot of information in that one sentence! Anyway, I was working on my computer, waiting for her to come home from work, settling into my weekly conference call with my on-line marketing mastermind group. I get a text from her - Bart is on strike, so she might be 1-2 hours late getting home because all the buses are going by full. So of course I offer to pick her up, jump into my green bug, and head off to downtown Oakland. Map quest directing me on my iPad, conference call continuing on my iPhone until I disconnected when I got to downtown Oakland so I could focus on being with her. We had a lovely evening preparing dinner and catching up over a glass of wine, I caught up on the rest of the call by FB messaging later on… I just love that my entrepreneurial lifestyle and modern technology makes it possible for me to combine my passions, my work and that oh so precious time with my loved ones.

I get by with a little help from my friends….

This week, my husband and I are taking a few days off to spend time with my son and granddaughters in Lake Tahoe… again, so grateful that we are both self-employed and able to arrange our own schedules. And of course my trusty iPad will be coming with me, so I can continue my blogging assignments – from my best ever blogging coach - putting into practice the tools and tricks I used in a recent seminar on “Using your iPad for business” from my dear friend and mac lady extraordinaire to keep up with my various business ventures from the beach.

So if I had to sum it up, here my 7 tips for juggling multiple roles:

1. Be clear about your priorities

2. Know when it is Ok to drop one or more balls

3. If you drop a ball, pick it up again (or decide to throw it away if it no longer serves you!)

4. Keep your sense of humor

5. Learn to use technology judiciously

6. Be flexible

7. Get by with a little help from your friends!

PS Of course, this all works best when you are your own boss!

You may also enjoy reading "You can reinvent yourself at 60, I did."

You can reinvent yourself. I did, at age 60

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had, or should say, I’m having, a wonderful life– I’m blessed with a loving husband, an extended tribe of family, kids, grandchildren and other kindred spirit whom I adore, good health, beautiful natural surroundings, a wonderful spiritual community, meaningful work… so what is missing? Well, it’s that elusive prosperity that has always been just around the corner, just beyond my reach.

The big 60 

Ever since I left the comfortable security of my parent’s home at 17, finances have been at best ok and often a downright struggle. As a free spirit entrepreneurial type, I’ve never worried much about the future, always thinking it will work out; it always has, somehow, well kinda’. But things changed when I turned 60. Perhaps it was the realization that I’m not going to be around forever. The question of how do I want to spend my remaining years? What do I want the rest of my life to mean? The thought that maybe I don’t want to be buzzing around town in my green bug interpreting when I’m 80. Perhaps it was one time too many of wondering where the mortgage payment was coming from.

A big decision

So, I made a big decision. I decided that now, in my 60’s was the time to really do something to change my financial landscape. So here is what I am doing…..

[From About Julie]


A venture into Network marketing

About the same time I started working independently, I became involved with network marketing. Because of my own health sensitivities, I have always sought out natural solutions to environmental health challenges and this approach seemed like the perfect vehicle for my passions for health and education. My appreciation of gratitude as one of the most positive and powerful emotions we have access to, and finding an easy was to express this, inspired me to add a greeting card service to my business endeavors.

So far, although these products have helped people tremendously, I have created wonderful educational workshops and presentations, and I love and believe in the products I sell, I have not been able to generate anywhere near the kind of income that I know is possible, and that I have dreamed of. I also realized that the techniques I was taught to build this type of business – one-to-one meetings, home presentations, networking events, are extremely time-consuming, which conflicts with my desire for more time freedom and spending more time with my family. Granddaughters grow up too quickly! And so I have explored marketing classes, webinars, seminars, books, you name it, trying to find the answer to success......

Healing my relationship to money

Until it dawned on me that no amount of marketing approaches were going to work until I healed my convoluted relationship to money. Some themes that stood out for me: guilt, shame, embarrassment, a sense of failure, brightened with periods of a sense of accomplishment at being able to overcome difficult circumstances. Other thoughts: I'm happier spending than saving, often giving more than I have to give, thinking more for today than tomorrow, valuing present experience more than future security. And to keep things in perspective, although poor in dollars, I feel richly blessed with joy and love in my life.