My 2 a.m. seven-year freak out

It all started when I realized it was time to upgrade my Mac’s operating system to Yosemite.  I’ve been waiting for the kinks to get worked out, listening to my trusty Mac wonder woman’s advice. So it’s finally time, and I get ready to press the update button…

… Until I click on the little apple icon and realize with a shock that my computer is too old to handle it. I bought my laptop in 2008 – seven years ago.  I could have sworn that was only a few years ago. And then it hit me – seven years has gone by in the blink of an eye. I couldn’t believe it.

Then I had one of those 2 a.m. bouts of insomnia and you know what the mind will do at 2 a.m. Not pretty.

I started doing the math. Seven years. If the last 7 years went by in such a flash, the next 7 will surely go by even faster. And the next. And pretty soon the next. And before you know it, four rounds of 7 years will have gone by and I’ll be 91. S#&!! Well, actually I used another word.

I’ve certainly grappled with my mortality before. Turning 60 was a milestone – one of those birthdays when it really does start to sink in that you’re not going be around forever.

But this 2 a.m. freak out – well, I’ll tell you what it did. It lit a fire under my butt. If seven years are going to zip by in a flash, then they better well be the seven best years of my life.  No time for procrastination, that’s for sure. No time for regrets, or not going for it. No time not to live my life full heartedly, with as much vulnerability, passion, love, gratitude and compassion as I can muster.

The truth is, we have no idea how much precious time we have left in this body, on this planet. We have no idea what’s next. So I, for one, am going to make sure that I live my next 7 years with total gusto.

And you, dear fellow sojourner, what do you want your next 7 years to look like?

Untangling from the tangle

The web of life – a beautiful, intricate tapestry of connection, that is what I picture when I hear this term. Sometimes, however, being immersed in the web of life can feel more like wrestling around in a spider’s web. You know what I mean?

Things get sticky, messy, hard to find your way out of.  Relationships can be like that – and it’s easy, especially if you’re the empathetic sort, to get stuck in the tangle.

To feel that you have to fix someone’s problems.

To feel driven to come to the rescue.

To take it on, so that you leave the encounter weighted down with the burden.

To feel responsible.

It happens without you even realizing it, until you take a moment to check in and realize you have lost connection with your own peace, your own center.

That awareness is the beginning of letting go… of that which is not ours to carry.

A deep breath. The realization that we are all on our own soul journeys. As much as I love and adore this family member, or this friend, no matter how close we are, their story is not my story.

So what is mine to do?  What is in front of me, what I can gladly offer from my heart? My presence, time, energy, highest thinking, compassion, listening. A helping hand. A knowing, that right where they are, Spirit is.

What is mine not to do?  Give advice (unless asked), judge, take on, resolve, rescue, feel sorry for.

It took me many years to learn this lesson. The hard way. So, I offer this as a reminder to myself, and to you too, if you should find yourself caught in a tangled web.

What does it mean to me to live well?

What a wonderful question. To me, to live well means to live in alignment with my deepest knowing, truth, values, Self. To be true to myself, to my highest aspirations and deepest longings. To really live well means to be a place where Love shows up, to be more loving today than I was yesterday. To live well means to discover who I am meant to be, my reason for being here on this planet at this time, and to express that ever more fully and clearly. To be a clear channel for what Spirit wants to express through me.

To live well means to make meaningful heartfelt connections with others, to respect, honor, appreciate and enjoy all people. To live well means to cherish my friends and family, to allow them to fully be who they are and to rejoice in the love that we share. To live well means to enjoy the unique dynamics and dance of my roles as wife, mother, daughter, grandmother, sister, cousin, friend, colleague, teacher, student and all the other ways in which we connect and share life’s challenges, milestones and celebrations.

Celebration and compassion
To live well means to grow, stretch, expand, reach, and change while staying connected to that which is changeless. It means to not always believe my own mind, to question my perception of reality, to be willing to see the other side. It means to have a sense of humor and compassion for the human condition, including my own.

To live well means to celebrate life in every moment, to take the time to look up at the sky, listen to the birds, smell the roses, feel the sunshine on my face, breathe in the scent of springtime, walk on the beach. To live well means to allow the awe-inspiring beauty of nature to remind me of the infinite abundance and goodness of Spirit.

Nourishment, stewardship and renewal
To live well means nourishment – to enjoy the fruits of the earth with deep appreciation for its whole food goodness; to purchase my food directly from the farmers who grow or raise it with deep consciousness of the sacred dance of life and death and food; to cook with flair and creativity, to share delicious meals and good times with friends and family around the table.

To live really well means to be a good steward of this vehicle for Spirit that is my body – to care for it, feed it good food, exercise it, listen to its messages, enjoy its senses, appreciate its energy, vitality, strength, endurance.

To live really well means renewal – to spend time away from the hustle and bustle of daily life, exploring new places, enjoying nature, connecting with other cultures, sampling other cuisines, making new connections. To simply sit and be with no agenda. To let only inspiration guide my daily choice of activities. To share this time with family and friends, and also to have windows of solitude and contemplation.

Connection to the One Life
To live really well is to be a part of a spiritual community that nourishes my soul, helps me to connect to the One Life, encourages me to release old ways of seeing and being, uplifts my spirits, inspires me to adopt new attitudes and to be my best self, and offers me the opportunity of giving back in Seva.

Home is where the heart is

To live really well means to live in a home that radiates light and simplicity and color and comfort. Where every object has a place, a function, meaning. Where we enjoy the play of light on the flowering cactus, the heat of the fireplace on a cold evening, the warm evening breeze on the deck, the hawks nesting in the pine trees, our cat stretched out in the sunshine.

My work in the world

To live really well means to do work that I love and that is meaningful to me and to be compensated abundantly for doing so, not only monetarily but also with appreciation. To know that my work in the world brings value, wellbeing and joy. To allow my creativity and inspiration to flow into new ideas and ventures, to make a difference in the world, to help planet earth become a healthier place for our children and grandchildren and the generations to come. To live really well means to create new partnerships, to put together a team of inspired colleagues who are expressing their own gifts in the world and to generously compensate them for helping me to bring my ideas and vision into fruition.

Giving and appreciating

To live really well means to share generously of my gifts, my talents, my resources, my heart, my time, my attention, my caring, my understanding, my being.

To live really well is to enjoy and appreciate each and every moment of this wondrous thing called my life.