Hovering on the brink of overwhelm

I’m flying to San Diego tomorrow morning for an afternoon of prep with my co-trainer Rosanna Balistreri, followed by a full day of training on Saturday, our inaugural workshop for CITA– our newly formed interpreter training collaborative. I’m trying to coordinate moving my mum to a new nursing home (another story), get her to a Dr’s appointment this afternoon, get a haircut, arrange for her visit to a cardiologist while I am gone, and of course, pack, do laundry, squeeze in a few important phone meetings, etc. And I’m writing a blog post!

Come to think of it,  I’m not on the brink, I am in overwhelm! What to do?

As always, my first response (after I let my shoulders down from my ears!) is to stop, sit back and take a few deep breaths.  It’s always amazing to me how such a simple thing can be so powerful. The list of tasks is still there. Nothing has changed in terms of what needs to be taken care of. Yet somehow, I feel calmer, more in control. Those few breaths give me the space to step back and examine what lies before me with a bit more perspective.

Whom can I delegate something to? What can I safely postpone? What absolutely needs to be done today? Maybe nothing will change, and it’ will all still need to be taken care of, by me, today. But the simple act of asking those questions gives me a feeling of relief, and choice. 

So my dear reader, next time you are hovering on the brink of overwhelm, or have actually gone over the edge, take a moment, breathe, and give yourself a bit of space to see what lies before you and make some empowered choices.

What if we just did the thing we didn’t feel like doing?

Ok world – ready or not, here I come. I’m embarking on a 7-week journey to implement Rory Vaden’s seven strategies for self-discipline from his book Taking the Stairs– would you like to join me?

When I found his book in my mailbox on the heels of my epiphany about my recent lack of self-discipline, I took it as an invitation to explore this topic and implement some needed changes.

His first step, Sacrifice: The Paradox Principle sounds about as appealing as the notion of self-discipline. Because let’s be real – we all prefer the easy way out, and the notion of sacrifice is well, daunting, right? And we all are naturally good at ignoring our problems until they come crashing down on our heads.

But let’s look a little deeper. When it comes to making choices, there’s usually two parts of us that are in direct conflict, explains Rory.  There’s the emotional part of our brain that drives us to make choices based on wanting to feel good now, and there’s the logical part of our brain that is evaluating what makes sense analytically.

It’s a tug of war, and all too often, the emotional side of us wins out. So what do successful people do that sets them apart?  As Rory goes on to explain, they embrace the Pain Paradox, and understand that “the short term easy leads to the long term difficult, while the short-term difficult leads to the long-term easy.

The paradox lies in the fact that what seems easy in the short term (choosing the couch over the hike or the gym, choosing the chips over the carrots, zoning out in front of the TV instead of taking that webinar, you know the ones), ends up creating a life that is all but easy as our health deteriorates, and our dreams fade into the distance.

The good news? Often the seemingly harder choices are only necessary for a short period of time. I’m not talking about a lifetime of abnegation and sacrifice here. Just some short term choices to put in the time, make the not so easy choices, so we can live the life we want tomorrow. 

So here is Rory’s call to action for this week:  “Create a clear picture of what you want in the long run and you will find that your endurance for pain and strife, discipline and hard work will naturally increase to levels you never thought you had. A new world will open up for you – a world where you can have anything you want… as long as you commit.”

Ready?  Here’s a little inspiration from Rory. https://youtu.be/dq4WsSiOAR4

What gives under pressure?

As my countdown to Chiapas continues, and my days and hours are filled with a mammoth translation marathon in preparation, I am noticing what is happening to my choices around time as my stress level increases.

Some days, time lies before me in an open expanse, inviting a feeling of spaciousness as I approach the day and my intentions for it. Saturdays and Sundays, and occasionally a week day, are like that.

Not this week. My dear friend and proofreading colleague Carolina, who is impatiently standing by on east coast time to proofread my translations like a horse chomping at the bit, jokingly suggests that next time they are visiting, her R.N. practitioner husband teach my hubby how to put in an IV so I don't have to eat and can keep working without leaving my desk.

Well that is not happening, but I am blessed to have a sweet gallant hubby who steps up to the plate and into the kitchen. Healthy home cooked meals around the table with family, non negotiable. Meditation, also a no brainier, forgive the pun. The more stress I am under, the more I need it. Less sleep, well, yesterday I would have said, no way. Today, as I lay wide awake and wired at 5 a.m. and surrendered to getting up, some of that went by the wayside too.

My daily hike in the outdoors, ah, sadly, that is not happening this week.

Sometimes during marathon focus periods, when life is such that whatever the task before us can't be eliminated, delegated, or postponed, because it is in fact the right thing to be doing, something has to give, for now.

Unfortunately, it is usually our self care that goes out the window, just when we actually need it the most.

So, it's helpful to pay attention, to stop and notice what gives under pressure ~ then we can sit a moment, think through our day, tune into our body/mind/heart/soul and then decide what to let go of, where to hunker down.

This too, shall pass, I remind myself as I take lots of deep breaths. And it’s all for a fabulous cause!

What about you, oh dear busy bee, what gives under pressure when you are under the gun?

             

Your dream matters – Protect it!

Phew, I’ve finally worked my way all the way through Rory Vaden’s Procrastinate on Purpose. It’s been a fascinating journey of self-discovery, as I have honed in on what really speaks to me in each chapter so I can put it into practice in my own life and share my insights with you.

His framework of what he refers to as a  “Focus funnel,” with 5 permissions (Ignore, Invest, Imperfect, Incomplete and Protect) and their 5 corresponding choices (Eliminate, Automate, Delegate, Procrastinate and Concentrate) is an incredibly helpful structure for examining the choices we make with our time and attention every waking minute of our lives.

I like the image of a funnel – wide at the top and narrow at the bottom – it’s a great visual for picturing the literally thousands and thousands of items competing for our attention at any given moment – tasks, information, demands, priorities, agendas, (our own and others’), swirling around our heads, each screaming “Me! Me! Me!”

How do we ever figure out what the heck to pay attention to amidst this overwhelming ocean of possibilities?

Well, as I’ve learned from reading this book, far too often we pay attention to what is screaming the loudest, what Vaden calls the “tyranny of the urgent.”

We cave in to other people’s ideas of what we should be doing, and ignore what really, truly matters.

For a variety of noble reasons – we don’t want to let people down, we don’t want to seem selfish, we want to be team players, and on and on… we over commit, we agree to do things that aren’t really right for us, we end up spending our precious hours and days in the service of… everything except what is truly Significant.

And what is that?  I share Vaden’s belief that we are put on this earth to do something that nobody else can do – to fulfill our unique purpose that is ours and ours alone to complete. 

But how can we do that if we are constantly spending our time serving other’s people’s needs?

Hence, the need to Protect, fiercely protect, mama bear kind of protect, our time and out attention. So we can concentrate on what matters.

Here’s the question Vaden proposes we continually ask ourselves:

“Is what I’m doing right now the most significant use of my time?”

In other words, is this task moving me towards my greatest contribution to the world? Is it allowing me to be my highest and best self?

If not, the answer is clear. Not always easy, but clear.

Stop doing the little things for now, so you can concentrate on the big ones. Protect your Priority.

So dear reader, here’s Vaden’s question for you today: ”What do you need to give yourself permission to concentrate on?”

The Love of Learning

I got a little push back from my dear hubby last night over dinner on my blog post on delegating.   As I mentioned, he is not a fan, preferring to spend the time learning how to do whatever it is he needs to do.

So, in the interests of fair journalistic reporting, I decided to interview him and get the other side of the story.

As it turns out, we are on the same page – mostly.  That’s actually part of what makes our marriage work so beautifully – huge areas of compatibility and shared values, balanced with our own quirky variations on how we see and be in the world that keeps that happy tension and spark alive.

But that’s another subject.

Back to doing it yourself vs. delegating.

What James loves about doing it yourself is the challenge -  the thrill of satisfaction that comes from mastering something you didn’t previously know how to do. Simply put, the love of learning.

Well, that’s actually a value and a perspective I share whole-heartedly. I love learning. You should see how many online courses I have signed up for over the years. My bookshelves are filled with how-to books. I can’t count the number of times I have Googled “How do I…”  It’s amazing what you can learn on-line these days!

I love learning new stuff. I too love the challenge, and the reward of figuring something new out.

It’s a constant lifelong process, being a learner. And I wouldn’t change that for the world – it’s part of what keeps me alive, engaged, and interested in life. And the more I learn, the more I can share and be of service to others, by passing along what I learn.  There is nothing quite so satisfying as learning something new, figuring it out, and then teaching it to someone else.

So, where does that leave me with the benefits of delegating?

I’m still all for it. To me, it’s a question of honing in on what I actually want to learn, what excites me, what challenges me… And outsourcing the things that don’t float my boat. There is, after all, a finite amount of time available to us – at least in this go around – so for me, it’s a question of choosing wisely how I want to use that time.

Bottom line – learn to do the things that inspire you, and let go of those that don’t – and give someone who does love to do that thing the opportunity to do so. It’s a Win-Win.

What about you dear reader?  What can't you wait to learn? And what are you just itching to delegate?