The secret question that will carry you through the hard times

After a weeklong blog break, I’m back with #2 of Rory Vaden’s 7 strategies for self-discipline from his book, Taking the Stairs.  In case you missed my take on his first strategy, embracing the Pain Paradox, you can catch up here.

What happens when the going gets tough? 

We all come to those points in our lives, whether they are moments or extended periods, when things don’t go according to plan, our efforts don’t seem to be paying off, we just can't figure out how to go forward, it’s all uphill. We’ve all been there. And will most likely be there again, and again. It’s just part of life.

So the question is, what do we do when we hit the hard times?

When faced with challenge and difficulty, most of, explains Rory, start being unsure of what we are doing, start doubting our original commitment and asking ourselves the Should questions. “Should I carry on?” “Should I quit trying?” “Should I try something else?”

Herein lies the danger in this seemingly innocuous line of questioning: we convince ourselves we’re better off abandoning the challenge at hand, trying something new, and then end up right back where we started because let’s face it folks – the problem usually lies within us, not the situation.

So what is the secret key for success when navigating those decision points in our lives? It’s a simple shift from asking the “should” questions to asking the “how” questions, advises Rory.

So, instead of “Should I be doing this?” – which of course immediately give us a way out, we ask ourselves “How do I do this?”

The simple switch from “should” to “how” opens up a whole world of resources, creativity, hidden strengths and talents, that will all come to our aid and help us achieve so much more than we ever dreamed was possible.

So next time you are feeling challenged and hear yourself asking those “should” questions…. Take a breath, and then make a choice to ask a new question – and make sure it starts with the word “How”. You’ll be amazed at the power you unleash!

Self-discipline: An old fashioned virtue for modern times

I was driving around yesterday, trying to get a handle on this annoying experience of irritability that has been plaguing me for the last few weeks.

Ever have that?  Just feeling plain ol’ cranky for no apparent good reason?

And then it dawned on me what was going on behind the scenes. I heard myself say to myself – “Julie, you’re slipping on the self-discipline front.”

Yes, it’s true. I admit it. The thing is, it’s all those small, seemingly insignificant moments, those decision points, where I realized I have been taking the easy way out. Missing a blog post or 2 a week. Not getting around to my daily hikes. Not eating my veggies. I know – by themselves, they don’t seem like that big of a deal. However, they add up. Not only to the success of my long-term goals, my long-term health and well being, but just as importantly, to my self esteem.

Don’t get me wrong; I had lot of good reasons. I wasn’t feeling well. I needed a break. I’d do it tomorrow.

So, was that telemarketer even more obnoxious than usual?  Was my mum being particularly annoying? Was that doctor I was interpreting for being especially passive-aggressive?

Probably not. All along, it was me I was ticked off with. Imagine that! Because I haven’t been being true to what I know I should be doing. I know, should is a bad word these days.  I don’t really like it most of the time, especially if it is directed at one person by another –as in  “You should….”.  Who likes that?

But in terms of its original meaning of ‘obligation’ – a self-imposed commitment, undertaken because we recognize that doing X will lead to desired outcome Y, then should is good in my book.

So, as always, life works in magical ways. Humbled by my roadside epiphany as to the source of my recent irritability, I arrive home to find Rory Vaden’s book, Taking the Stairs, in my mailbox.  

I open it up randomly and read this definition of self-discipline: “The ability to take action regardless of your emotional state, financial state, or physical state.”

OK universe, I get the message. Stay tuned as I implement Vaden’s seven strategies for self-discipline – want to join me?