My 2 a.m. seven-year freak out

It all started when I realized it was time to upgrade my Mac’s operating system to Yosemite.  I’ve been waiting for the kinks to get worked out, listening to my trusty Mac wonder woman’s advice. So it’s finally time, and I get ready to press the update button…

… Until I click on the little apple icon and realize with a shock that my computer is too old to handle it. I bought my laptop in 2008 – seven years ago.  I could have sworn that was only a few years ago. And then it hit me – seven years has gone by in the blink of an eye. I couldn’t believe it.

Then I had one of those 2 a.m. bouts of insomnia and you know what the mind will do at 2 a.m. Not pretty.

I started doing the math. Seven years. If the last 7 years went by in such a flash, the next 7 will surely go by even faster. And the next. And pretty soon the next. And before you know it, four rounds of 7 years will have gone by and I’ll be 91. S#&!! Well, actually I used another word.

I’ve certainly grappled with my mortality before. Turning 60 was a milestone – one of those birthdays when it really does start to sink in that you’re not going be around forever.

But this 2 a.m. freak out – well, I’ll tell you what it did. It lit a fire under my butt. If seven years are going to zip by in a flash, then they better well be the seven best years of my life.  No time for procrastination, that’s for sure. No time for regrets, or not going for it. No time not to live my life full heartedly, with as much vulnerability, passion, love, gratitude and compassion as I can muster.

The truth is, we have no idea how much precious time we have left in this body, on this planet. We have no idea what’s next. So I, for one, am going to make sure that I live my next 7 years with total gusto.

And you, dear fellow sojourner, what do you want your next 7 years to look like?

Failure

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” - Thomas A. Edison

Failure.  It’s definitely not a pretty word – like daffodil, or hope, or sunshine.

We wince when we imagine it. We dread it. We go to great lengths to avoid it. The fear of it stops us in our tracks.

But you know what I have found as I am learning to become a fledgling blogger and mediapreneur?

Well, I’m right there with Edison.  Not that I’m inventing a light bulb or anything like that, but I sure am finding lots and lots of ways to do things wrong. I guess you could call them failures.

But early on in this journey, I realized that if I was going to let “failure” stop me… I’d go exactly nowhere. 

So, I am bumbling along. Sometimes it takes me 10 times to do something that a millennial would probably figure out in 5 minutes, like how to get an Amazon affiliate link to work on my blog. Or how to make a meme. Or how to set up an auto-responder.

Heck, a few months ago I may not have even known what those were!

So, just like I realized I had to embrace feeling stupid (it means I am learning something), I now know that in order to achieve my dreams, I am also willing to embrace failure. 

Or rather I should say, to reframe it – to see it as a stepping stone, the No on the way to the Yes, my teacher, the inevitable stops and starts along the way to success. 

Here is my challenge and invitation to you, dear one, embrace failure and go after your dreams. It’s OK. Really. You will survive.  You might even accomplish something amazing!

  

It’s always too soon

“You are more prepared than you realize. You probably aren’t ready, and you can’t be ready, not if you’re doing something worthwhile.

Because we always do our best work and take our turn before we’re ready.”

As someone who had been getting ready to get ready to get ready, before I had my epiphany and actually committed to blogging and stopped procrastinating, boy do these words by Seth Godin ring true.

According to Dictionary.com, being ready means “completely prepared or in fit condition for immediate action or use,” or according to Merriam Webster, “prepared mentally or physically for some experience or action.”

So, what does it take to be ready? Well, in my experience, always more than I have at the moment. Hence a great reason to procrastinate, and wait until that magic moment of readiness.

The trouble is, we’re probably never going to feel really ready when it comes to the big things in life….. there is always more to learn, more confidence to feel. And if we’re lucky, we find ourselves in the position where suddenly it’s obvious it’s our turn and it’s our time and it’s time to jump. So then, what do we do?

Back down the mountain, retreat, find so many good reasons why we’re just not ready?

Because the Universe seems to have its own timing, ever notice that?

So, are you ready to take your turn, brave reader?

How to say No gracefully.

Before we can feel comfortable saying No, it’s a good idea to be clear that we know we want to say No. 

Next time someone asks you to do something, try following these steps:

1. Take a breath to give yourself time to check in with yourself.
2. Tune in to your body’s reaction to the request– do you feel open and expansive, or can you feel yourself tensing up? Often our body is sending us a clear message about our real feelings, but if we don’t take the time to tune in, we might miss it.
3. Ask yourself- do I really want to do this?
4. If I say Yes to this, what am I saying No to?
5. Is saying Yes to this, in alignment with my values, goals and priorities?

If the answer is Yes, then by all means say Yes and jump in wholeheartedly.

If the answer is No, however, how do we say it in a way that honors our own boundaries, as well as being respectful to the person making the request?

When faced with a request for our time that we don’t want to say Yes to, we could just say No – but that is often rather rude, or at the very least abrupt and may well cause hurt feelings.

Another option many of us default to (and I have to plead guilty here too) is to make an excuse, or tell a white lie. We’ve all been there, right?

The problem with this response is, it’s simply not true, and telling a lie makes us feel yucky.  We always have time, I mean we all have the same 24 hours in a day, but the truth is, we’d prefer to do something else with our time.

I heard an episode of Marie Forleo TV recently, in which she was interviewing author and speaker Bob Burg. I just loved his suggestion for saying No gracefully.

“Thank you so much for asking; while it’s not something I’d like to do, please know how honored I am to be asked.”

What I like about using this phrase, or something similar, is that it not only honors the person asking, it is also honest and respectful of our own values and priorities. 

Bob suggests customizing this template in your own words, and rehearsing it ahead of time, so you feel comfortable saying it when you are put on the spot.

Please let me know how it goes!