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| An afternoon outing on Spring Lake |
We’ve been finding our rhythm, settling into some kind of routine, where she spends at least 2 weekday afternoons and evenings with us, and much of the weekends. Yesterday was the first time I took a much-needed break and took the whole Sunday to go sailing in Tomales Bay with my hubby –pure heaven!
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| A little role reversal, her turn to push |
What have I learned in the past months? Well, for starters,
that when you are caring for an elderly parent, as much as you love them, you
will go through the whole range of emotions – from enjoyment of their company
to exasperation, from affection to irritation, from gratification to overwhelm,
from fondness to guilt, from love to helplessness and everything in between.
But the best part? To realize it is all OK. The whole gamut. It’s just part of the deal.
I guess kind of like raising kids – you adore them, and
sometimes they just drive you nuts. But then they are so cute you forgive them
anything and fall in love with them all over again. The main difference is there‘s not always as
much of a cute factor at age 88, though my mum can be pretty darn cute.
Another big lesson – the importance of self-care; of tuning
into my own well-being regularly enough so that I can recognize the early
subtle signs of burnout and the need to take a break. The need to balance my
needs and hers, to find the ever shifting sweet spot of the right amount of
time together and time apart, to learn that there is only so much I can do for
another’s happiness, to know my limits. To discover that I can stretch more
than I thought I could, to seek and find support from my family and tribe, and
most of all, to feel gratitude to have the opportunity to return the loving care
that she gave to me, all those years ago.
Are you caring for an aging parent? I’d love to hear your
experience!
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