Recipe for a happy marriage

I’ve been happily married to my honey for 13 years now, and along the way I’ve learned a few things. In honor of St Valentine’s Day, here are my secret ingredients:

1. The right person – and if you don’t get it right the first time, don’t loose heart! I’ve been married twice before, and for a variety of reasons… it didn’t work out. Of course at the time these relationships came to an end, it wasn’t easy and I felt like a failure. Divorce is usually messy and uncomfortable and downright painful.  With the benefit of time passing however, I can see that my former partners were a perfect match for where I was at on my spiritual journey.  I feel immense gratitude for the part they played in my life, for helping me become who I am today, and for fathering my beautiful children whom I can’t imagine life without!
2. Love, of course. It really is what makes the world go around. And of course, love is so much more than a feeling. I really like David Richo’s Five Keys to Mindful Loving: Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection and Allowing your partner to be themselves.
3. Being 100% responsible for the success and happiness of the relationship. Yes, you read me right. Not 50%, 100%. It makes an enormous difference to take full responsibility.
4. Laughter- I’ve realized that it really doesn’t pay to take myself too seriously. So, insert a big dose of light heartedness and a generous sprinkle of laughter. It makes everything so much easier, and more fun.
5. A healthy mix of togetherness and independence. We love spending time together, and have many shared interests. We also have our own independent interests and activities, and support each other in pursuing them, which allows us to grow as individuals and brings freshness and newness to our time together.
6. Be more interested in being happy than in being right – huge! Oh the renunciation that is required when you feel So justified in your rightness!
7. Say you're "sorry" when you mess up.
8. Don't take it personally when they are going through their stuff.  This one took me years to get.
9. Hold hands a lot.
10. Don’t try to change each other. Period.
11. Be grateful for each other and recognize how blessed you are to be sharing your lives.

The power of taking breaks

Having just returned from an amazing 3 week vacation sailing in the Caribbean to celebrate my husband’s 60^th, I can certainly say with profound conviction that taking a real break is definitely renewing, refreshing and simply heavenly. It was all and more than I could have imagined – warm turquoise water, gentle breezes, fabulous sailing, gorgeous views, friendly people….. indeed a dream vacation for which I feel so so blessed. I felt my thoughts slowing down with each passing day, and enjoyed that oh so rare and wonderful sense of relaxation in my body and spaciousness in my consciousness that is so truly lovely.

The reality of juggling daily demands

Now that I’m back home to the reality of juggling the demands of work, family, friends, home and play… I am asking myself how can I recreate that wonderful sense of relaxation and spaciousness?  How can I achieve a higher level of inspired wellbeing in my day-to-day life? Since of course, I can’t just turn around and go traipsing off on another getaway, much as I would love to!

My seven power break tips, one for each day of the week:

1. If you are at the computer, set a timer to go off a few times an hour and take a 10 second break to take some deep breaths, do some shoulder rolls, look out the window at a tree or the sky, close your eyes and picture a loved one, give yourself a scalp massage.
2. As you are transitioning between activities, take a moment to be truly present to where you are, and who you are. One full, deep breath can be all that is needed to re-connect ourselves with our Selves.
3. When you first wake up in the morning, before firing all cylinders and getting stressed out over your impending to do list, take a few moments to consciously relax and start the day off with a few moments of peaceful contemplation…. Visualizing the faces of your loved ones, and feeling grateful for their presence in your life, can do wonders for diverting your attention away from stressful to-do thoughts.
4. Feeling wired and frazzled? Take your shoes and socks off and stand on the earth, any spot of grass will do, and feel your connection to mother Earth.
5. Thirsty? Pause to sip on a glass of water, enjoying the sensation in your mouth, going down your throat, and hydrating your body. Take a moment to feel gratitude for this precious liquid.
6.  Smile at someone, it does wonders for your mood!
7. End the day by reflecting back on all that you are grateful for today… your heart will open and you will drift off to a restful sleep.

May you be nourished and restored all the days of your life!

How to stay strong – at any age

I recently came across the book Strength for Life by Shawn Phillips, and as these things usually do, it came at the perfect moment in my life. That is, I was ready, and more than ready, actually eager – to hear his message. 

This quote from Shawn  pretty much sums up this book’s theme:

  "Your body, the only one you will ever have, is the foundation of your life. And it’s either an anchor limiting your freedom and potential or a source of radiant energy, vitality and joy, elevating your life and the lives of those around you. It’s your choice… will yours be a source of strength, from which you will impact the world, or an obstacle, preventing you from your dreams and desires?"

This really hit home. Watching my 86-year-old mum and her 92-year-old husband struggling with balance and strength, I realized that now, (better late than never, right?) in my early 60’s, is the time to lay the foundation for strength, posture and balance so that I can be a strong and  agile 80 and 90 year old!

Strength training

And so, in order to do that, I have had to push beyond my comfort zone -  I love walking and hiking and swimming in natural bodies of water – and actually set foot in – the dreaded gym!   Now, I’m certainly not saying that training on machines in a gym with a trainer is the only way to get strong and fit, but for me, it was certainly the missing piece.

Think you’re too old? 

If you’re in my age group or beyond, you may be thinking, what’s the point. I’m to old to start…..  However, as I learned from Shawn Phillips, “You’re never too old to gain strength. The Human Nutrition Center on Aging found muscle growth in people ranging from 60 to 96 years old was statistically equivalent to younger people doing the same amount of training with their bodies.”  My own experience in seeing the changes in my body after a few short months certainly supports this.

How strong are you?

And a final quote from Shawn: “How strong are you? How will you lift the world? How will you be a beacon of strength for others? These are the questions of utmost importance… Every one of us has a time limit to fulfill our destiny. Don’t be one who waits for the final buzzer to start to really live. Yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is a dream. Today is the day to make your mark—to make a difference.”

Take a peek at what this lovely 89 year old I met on a walk in Spring Lake  has to say about staying strong.  If you are having trouble viewing this video, click  here

Honoring my dad on the Day of the Dead

In Mexico and Central America, where I spent the first half of my life, Nov 1-2 is dedicated to celebrating El Día de los Muertos by honoring the dead with flowers, food and in some places, giant kites. These symbolize our connection with our departed and ancestors. 

  One of my dearest memories is accompanying my dad to Santiago Sacatepéquez in Guatemala to photograph these beautiful multicolored giant kites.

So today he is no longer with us, and I am far from Guatemala but I am grateful to remember those magical times and to honor him with this Day of the Dead altar.

Wherever you are dad, may your spirit fly as gracefully and freely as the kites you so loved to photograph.  

Lessons on letting go from Mother Nature, or to put it another way: Does a tree freak out when it’s leaves turn color?

As summer gives way to fall, and green turns to gold and red, there is no doubt that change is in the air……

And speaking of change, have you ever realized that you were over committed and that you needed to let go of something in your life?

This happened to me last week…  as a self employed entrepreneur, I’m constantly needing to assess where my time and energy are going, and looking to see if I’m on the right track to my goals. Even though I know that life is all about change, when it comes to having to actually make a change, and let go of something in order to make room for something else, it isn’t always so easy. 

I’m complaining about my schedule. My business coach asks me “Don’t you think you might be over committed?”  “Who, me?!”   Well, indeed the answer was yes. And it was fairly easy to hone in on what it was I needed to let go of.  A commitment I’d made a year ago, that made perfect sense at the time, was no longer serving my goals, even though there were so many things about it that I loved.

Ok, that’s clear.   I knew it was true. End of story, right? No.  As my always wise spiritual counselor Jeff  Anderson likes to say, we have that inner knowing of what is the right thing to do, but then our head wants to get in on the act, so that knowing creeps right up our necks and our head gets all crazy with it. “Oh but….. “, “What will they think?”  “What if…”   But still, we know, and I knew, so I thanked my head for it’s machinations, and listened to my inner knowing.

And so, dear reader, what’s your inner knowing telling you this week? Is there something it’s time to let go of, and gracefully accept that “to everything there is a season”?